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How to Make a Dog Happy – How to Make a Cat Happy!

How to Make a Dog Happy – How to Make a Cat Happy!

Excerpt From A Dog and Cat’s Diary

From a Dog’s Diary How to Make A Dog Happy

8:00 am      Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am      A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am      A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am    Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

11:30 am    Chased cat! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm    Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm      Played in the garden! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm      Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm      Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm      Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm      Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm     Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

From a Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.  B*st*rds. 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of  ‘allergies.’  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

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